The Great Dyson

Sophie Breuleux
on May 31, 2016

It is sunny out but the sky’s all brown… they didn’t turn on the All-Vacuum. I like the All-Vacuum, he makes the sky go blue, but now it’s all brown and it hurts my throat. I wonder if mommy has some water. “Mommy, you have water?”

She pouts while she’s looking through her purse. “There, honey” she tells me when she finds water in her bag. I mustn’t forget to thank her. “Thank you mommy”. The water cools my throat a little, but I can’t wait to see Hubert again. Hubert’s our big humidif-all back home!

I look toward the stage where the “wrong-do-ers” are. It’s mommy who calls them that, to me they’re “muddys” and “slimeys”! I’d tell them what I think if my throat wasn’t so sore, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

Djvooooooommmmmmm! The Great Dyson's coming! He rolls up to us and waves with his long arm that ends with a hand dryer and no one says nothing. He says “It is with regret that I am announcing the termination of the life guarantee of a few defective subjects. Model Amelia Stanley. You are accused of leaving dust mites under your bedside table.” The filthy criminal walks up to him, and then she spits on his wheels! No doubt she’s guilty, that one!

“You are sentenced to death by suffocation” says The Great Dyson. A tall vacuum rolls up to them and opens up, and we can look into his disgusting belly: dirt, rice, wood chips, paper confetti and pencil shavings… ew!! The people scream, and me first. They lay the slimey in the trash and she's crying. The bag is closed, and it’s see-through so we can watch her suffocate. Wonder how many days she’ll last. I give her two days tops!

“Model James O’Neill. You are accused of hiding allergens,” says The Great Dyson. “It was just a little kitty!” says the filth, bowing down to his Greatness. “The offending hand shall be purged.” He’s being merciful, I’m disappointed. He takes the disgusting hand in his own hand dryer and zing! A blade comes. The slimey’s hand falls down, clean cut! Everyone’s gobsmacked, no one’s seen a hand dryer like that! I can’t wait until they give us one, it’s gonna make the greatest head cutter for my sister’s dolls!

“Model Jack Briston.” The last dirtbag walks up to The Great Dyson, but he’s scared or something, and he starts running away. I move my head forward to see better, but he’s not fast enough to escape The Great Dyson’s great suction power. He’s 100% immobilised. “You are guilty of abnormal stench… and crass disobedience. May your filthy flesh and blood rest in peace.”

He’s swallowed alive and it’s all over already. Everyone applauds and the All-Vacuum is turned back on. Phew! It was just to put us on our toes then! I knew the All-Vacuum couldn’t be broken. The Great Dyson wouldn’t have allowed it. We’ll go back home for dinner and then maybe we could go and see the neighbour’s germy gerbils get mashed up.

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