Click! went the lock under her diligent work, a velveted hand slowly rotating the handle. The cabin wasn’t very luxurious, large but bare, furnished with a bed, a desk, some chests, and a small bookcase. The Captain was fast asleep. The dark shadow of a woman stalked up to the bed, straddling the sleeping form. There was not much else to do now, she thought, as she bit his neck.
He woke to the sight of his own blood slowly dribbling down her long fangs, her hair falling like a drape of cat strings on her face. The thought of strangling that strange demon came and went: on second thought, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and who kills perfection, when it looked at you in the eye? The door to his cabin flung open. He opened his mouth to scream, but a knife grazed his throat, and he fell silent. The captain turned his head a little and thought he could discern one of his sailors by the door. He prayed that this man was not one of those craven youths who only seemed eager to prove themselves when the occasion did not arise.
“By God, do you not wear clothes?” asked the intruder.
Keeping her blade on the captain’s throat, the woman shifted ever so slightly. She was almost completely naked, only wearing a purple velvet glove and a garter stocked with weapons.
“The night was hot,” she argued indifferently.
“The night is hot for everybody, darling, that’s hardly an excuse. Now pray tell, what gives you the right to eat this plump gentleman?”
The young seaman smiled, exposing his own sharpened canines. She smiled back at him. The Captain wailed.
“O God the Father, Creator of heaven and earth, Have mercy upon us. O God the Son, Redeemer of this world…”
She slapped him.
“How would your God have mercy on you? For all you know, we are your Gods.”
“Well said,” laughed the stranger.
The woman turned slightly, flattered, and the Captain took this opportunity to shove her with all his might and leap, yelling, out of the door, his cries echoing back to them.
“Now look what you’ve done!”
“Me? He would’ve been dry as a crisp by now if you hadn’t interrupted! Hurry up, lest this turns into a hunt.”
The darkened corridors were empty of all crewmen. They turned the corner and into another corridor, further burying themselves into the belly of the ship. The silence was disconcerting, as if the vessel had been emptied of all life and sailed itself into the night.
“Did you eat the whole damn ship?” asked the woman.
“Of course not. I only meant to steal the ship. I was told good pirates don’t eat their crew.”
“Sage advice.”
“I thought so too. I’ve been meaning to get my hands on a ship for some time now, but for some reason I always ended up eating everyone on board. I seem to have no restraint,” he laughed.
They stopped next to a large room full of empty little wooden bunks.
“Oh, this is not good. Not good at all.”
“What?”
“I had locked these doors.”
She peeked inside.
“The sleeping quarters?”
“Yes, the Captain must have managed to free them. This is very inconvenient, we lost the element of surprise.”
“This is a military ship.”
They remained silent for a few precious seconds, the female vampire growing agitated as the male vampire grew dejected.
“Oh, no, no, no. This is no good. We have to leave,” he said.
“We’re not leaving, what are you, a coward?”
“What’s the point of staying? There’s plenty of ships in the sea. I propose we jump and swim up to the shore. I propose we team up for a while, it’s always more fun. I’ll even pitch in and buy you a shirt.”
“No.”
She ran toward the other side of the ship, stopping at every door to smash them in and look inside in a fighting stance.
“No? Why, no? What do you mean, no? Do you have a death wish? They outnumber us to a considerable extent. Have you lost your mind, besides your clothes?”
“No, but I’m not leaving without what I came here for. We need to get back to the cabin.”
“Oh. Oh!”
He grew giddy with excitement, forestalling her on their way back to the Captain’s cabin.
“What’s it? An amulet? A potion? It’s not gold, is it? I don’t like gold. I’m not risking my life for gold.”
“It’s not gold.”
“Good. I’m always up for a little mystery.”
She stopped short in her step.
“Wait. I heard something.”
A door suddenly opened in front of them, and a dozen sailors got out, led by their still shaking Captain.
“I got this, she told the vampire next to her. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit…”
The crew stared at them for a few seconds before launching themselves at them, screaming.
“This usually scares them off…”
They start running away as fast as possible, when they reach a little room in which they hide, closing the door behind them.
“Are you sure you want to retrieve what you came here for? It’s not too late to jump out.”
“I thought you seeked an adventure?”
“Not a dangerous one.”
The angry seamen pooled around the door, banging on it, trying to pry it open. She got her knife from her garter, and begrudgingly gave him a gun.
“Thank you, but perhaps we could escape through that trapdoor?” he said, pointing at the ground.
“There’s a trapdoor? Why, that makes everything easier!”
She opened it and unlocked the door, sending four men barreling down directly into the hole. Shooting and slicing up the rest, they managed to escape the angry men, leaving only a heap of crying flesh behind. Soon they reached the Captain’s cabin.
“What are we looking for?”
“A manuscript.”
“That’s cryptic.”
She started rummaging through the chest after scanning the bookcase. He just toppled the whole structure down. There was something behind it.
“Is this it?”
He held out a tattered manuscript from the insides of the bookcase, torn and abused by the salty air of the sea.
“Yes!“
“What is it?”
“Lord Byron’s lost memoir.”
He frowned at the object in his hands.
“I was expecting something a little more exciting.”
“More exciting? What else is there in the eternity we are cursed with to do but to seek and read every book we can get our hands on? This is the only copy of Lord Byron’s memoir, an object of infinite value.”
“I’d rather explore new lands, new culture, new tastes… I was told the Indians taste spicy.”
“What's stopping you from doing both?”
He looked down at the manuscript.
“Well, I don’t feel like reading this…“
“I mean, let’s do your plan as well.”
“There’s not much of a crew left.”
“They'll work, with the right amount of persuasion.”
“Where to, then?”
“India, why not. We have to test your theory.”
“But India is also hot. Will you at least do me a favor and wear a shirt? We're vampires, not savages.”
She considered the proposition carefully.
“No.”
